Welcome to the Aisle of Misfit Toys! Misfits are just as fun as our other toys, they just have some imperfections, and are offered at a discount.
This misfit Patrick is size XL in our medium (OO-50) silicone. He originally had a vac-u-lock base, but it came out a little close to the edge so we filled it in. He has no other issues and is offered at 15% off the regular price. Any additional discounts that may be shown are in addition to the already-discounted list price.
Meet Patrick, the fat-dicked Ogre! Like all ogres we've ever met, Patrick is uncut and has some great and challenging curves to him, hypnotic veins, soft and intense texture, and big ol' balls that feel amazing when you reach out for 'em.
Ogres are pretty rough-and-tumble and not super interested in doing anything other than eating, smashing things, and f*cking. Patrick has a bit more of an attention span, and when we figured out how to explain to him that we wanted to cast his impressive unit, he got really excited. By the way: when I asked him his name (we don't speak much ogre, but we tried) what came out sounded like something between Patrick and Fat D*ck, so... it stuck.
Ogre skin is very rough and calloused, but all that texture reproduces very pleasurably in silicone.
Patrick XL Dimensions:
Head: 8.25in / 21cm circumference
2.75in / 7cm diameter
Mid-bulge: 9in / 23cm circumference
3.25in / 8cm diameter
Total Length: 11in / 28cm
Usable Length:9.75in / 25cm
1-2 business days
I'll do my best to meet these shipping estimates, but can't guarantee them. Actual delivery time will depend on the shipping method you choose.
Buyers are responsible for any customs and import taxes that may apply. I'm not responsible for delays due to customs.
The only information we receive from Etsy is your name, mailing address, and in some circumstances, your eMail address. We will not share this information with anyone and will not use it to market to you. We will only contact you about your order.
If you would like to receive eMails with special offers and new product announcements, you may sign up here: https://mailchi.mp/37803b10197a/ymlabs
We hate spam just as much as you do, and will only send eMails out if we have something fun to tell you about like a new toy or a sale.
All orders ship in a plain brown box from "YM LABS." Nothing indicates that it is a sex toy. International orders will indicate "silicone sculpture" for customs declaration.
Our toys each come with a YiffMonkey cotton pouch for storage. Monkeys care about the environment, so we pack all orders using recyclable or reused packing materials (we order way too much stuff online ourselves and reuse that plastic pillow wrap whenever we have it on hand).
Most of our items are made-to-order and can be customized by color and firmness (soft, medium, firm, dual-density and extra firm upon request). For custom colors, please visit the "accessories and add-ons" section of our site. You can also add glow-in-the-dark and vac-u-lock options to your toy!
Please note: Custom color and glow orders cannot be canceled once they are in production.
YiffMonkey is a two-monkey operation. Just two of us design and make everything we sell and also handle all the web operations, packing/shipping/photographing and customer support. As of Feb 2020, most orders take 2-5 business days to complete and drop off at the post office - however, we are trying to get ahead and keep toys that sell more regularly in stock so they can ship right away.
We do our best to meet the published production times but can occasionally be off by a day or two. Thank you for understanding!
We offer a firmness sample kit for $10 that includes a $10 coupon for your first order.
As of 2021, we offer 3 main firmnesses. On the Shore hardness scale, our Squishy Soft is OO-20 (older toys are OO-30), Medium-Firm is OO-50, and Firm is 10A. We also offer two additional options that can be special ordered: Extra Firm is 20A and Super Squish is OO-10. Dual-density is soft on the outside and firm on the inside.
The bigger or softer the toy, the firmer it will feel. Knotted toys will have a lot of "give" behind the knot. Ordering split-density helps solve this.
We almost always recommend dual-density or split-density. It has the shape-retaining properties of a firm toy with the softness of a soft toy, and feels the most real.
We list our toys using a S/M/L/XL reference scale, but we realize this sort of sizing can be arbitrary (what I consider to be small, my partner considers to be large), so we also have a photograph in each toy's description next to a standard US 12-oz soda can and list detailed measurements of each toy below its description. Please note: we do round the measurements up or down to the nearest 1/4 in (or 1/2 cm).
All toys are hand-washed before they ship to you, but always clean your toy before and after using it (including the first time!). We recommend antibacterial soap and the hottest water you can comfortably use. Toys are dishwasher-safe, but superheated "sanitize" modes could leave marks on the toy.
Use plenty of high-quality lube. We recommend water-based. Silicone lubricant should not harm your toy, but may leave a residue that does not easily wash off. For larger toys, we recommend using quality fisting lube.
We are currently performing lubricant tests with our silicone and will share the results when we have more information.
We include a cotton bag with your toy for storage and recommend always storing the toy in its bag.
We happily accept wholesale inquiries. Contact email@example.com for all wholesale inquiries.
Due to the nature of the products we sell, we unfortunately cannot accept returns. Non-custom orders can be cancelled before they ship. Custom color or add-on (vac-u-lock, etc) orders cannot be canceled once they are in production.
If you notice a defect with your product, contact us right away and we will be happy to take care of it.
We understand ordering a toy that is too big can be frustrating, however we do list measurements at the bottom of the toy description and also photograph each toy next to a 12-oz soda can. When in doubt, we recommend going with the smaller option if you're not sure which size to go with.
Order our firmness sample kit! Or read on:
The Shore Firmnesses of our raw materials are: Super Squish: OO10 / Squishy-Soft: OO20 / Medium-Firm: OO50 / Firm: 10A / Extra Firm: 20A -- actual firmnesses will vary slightly from these numbers.
"Super Squish" is very squishy like a fresh gummy bear. "Squishy-Soft" will squish and bend under pressure quite a bit. Medium-Firm is closer to firm and is our most popular, especially on bigger toys. Firm is probably closest to a traditional hard latex dildo, with a little more softness to it. Extra firm has almost no give at all, similar to a hard bouncy ball.
Dual-Density is a soft outer skin with firm inner core, and is always our favorite option. We also offer split-density options.
Etsy doesn't let us set separate shipping weights for different sizes of toys, so the shipping rates listed may be higher than expected. We are working on setting up a new site at yiffmonkey.com that will solve this problem, but in the meantime, please contact us if the shipping rate seems too high (in some circumstances, it's actually lower than normal, but we will honor the lower listed rate in this case).
In response to COVID-19, we can no longer guarantee international shipping times. Most countries we ship to are experiencing delays, but all have eventually arrived. We hope everyone is safe, and hopefully shipping times will improve as infrastructure adjusts.
Aug 15, 2021
Holy hell you wanna talk about fast shipping we emailed a few times was super super helpful these are wonderful people and a high quality product ok had to edit now used it last night omg it’s amazing and the bottom base when it stretches you out SPLOOSH!!!!! Yes!!!
Apr 29, 2020